You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Let's paint friendship bongs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
