You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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