okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize