I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
