So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
