im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
