Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
