just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
