she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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