in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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