Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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