In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
