ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
