he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
