____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
