a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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