i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
