my cup is half full, half full of rum.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
