dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
