Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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