sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
