You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
