as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
