Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
