trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
