I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
