I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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