Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
