I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
