i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
