Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
