I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
