Porn is love you can see.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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