It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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