So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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