Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
