I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
