I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So apparently I’m into choking now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
