Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Come see our sink grown plant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
