my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
