I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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