i jhust puked up my retainher.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
