Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
