hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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