I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
