i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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