My first STD was from a foam party
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize