Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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