Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
