I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
