i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
