We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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