How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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