Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
