Duck Duck Cougar?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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