I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
