What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
