Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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