I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
