the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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