Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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