thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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