I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
