it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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