Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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