my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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