this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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