youre lurking in front of me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish there were birth control emojis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
