my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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