Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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