im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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