and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
