it hurts more in the daytime
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
