I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i out mim tonsoeep
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
