I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize