Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I party with great urgency now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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