just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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