I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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