I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
as a side note pls kill me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
