Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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