I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
