Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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