highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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