we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
