He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
