You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
