i jhust puked up my retainher.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
