Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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