First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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