hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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