My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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