I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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