He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
