The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You pole danced in your parka.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize