It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
