i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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