idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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