I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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