You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
