so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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