i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
